Sex In The Valley

Kids Can’t Hang

Posted on: April 22, 2011

This past weekend I had some of my guy friends come visit. They’re drinkers, they can handle their shit but one weekend here at Penn State and they were begging me to get them to their car so they could get home. Kids just couldn’t hang. I don’t know how many times i was asked the question “is it always like this?” well yes, yes it is. People don’t think being at PSU will be any different then any other drinking weekend at their school, but they’re wrong. Here’s the deal; people may think that the weekend starts on Thursday here but they’re wrong: the weekend neverends. It’s like Rebecca Blacks dream come true (refer to post about said miss black).

Syllabus Week:
First things first: fall semester syllabus week. Every school has syllabus or “silly week” but here at PSU we live it up. We only get a few weeks of warm sunshine and we don’t let it go to waste. Upperclassmen arrive back in the valley either friday or saturday before class starts and as soon as mom and dad are safely back in their car the tabs start opening. I don’t know how mnay times i’ve seen/been still drunk or hungover kids in my classes during syllabus week. Drop/Add is like two weeks here so professors aren’t taking attendance i talked to a kid this year that went to one of his six classes all of syllabus week. That’s not that abnormal, that just means you know how to keep your priorities straight. I don’t blame you, it’s nice and warm and sunny let’s day drink on the balcony we won’t have actual work for a week or two.

Football Season:
Next comes football. We at PSU enjoy nothing more than drinking and football thankfully tailgating let’s us combine the two. For game days you wake up still drunk around 8am and start pounding shots and shotgunning beers to avoid the hangover and make sure you’re sufficiently drunk the entire game. Once the game is over you come back drink some more take a drunk shower and drunk dress then go out and party until 5am.

Syllabus Week Round Two:
Hope you kept your tolerance up over winter break because it might be cold but we’re still going hard. Who needs a liver right?

State Patty’s/Blue White:
Similar to football weekends we get up still hammered around 8 am and just keep on drinking the only difference is literally everyone and their brother decides to come visit. Oh and we’re also wearing green. Shit is just bananas, if you haven’t experienced it you just can’t understand. This past year I did five car bombs before 11am with a few keg stands thrown in. So why do so many kids get arrested? Well here’s the secret they aren’t normally PSU students. All those state patty’s reports you’ve read, yeah they were all somebody’s drunk friend that doesn’t know how to keep their shit together enough to walk by a cop. Cops here aren’t bad. If you aren’t bothering them or endangering yourself or anyone else you are good to go. It’s the stupid kids that pick fights and are puking on the sidewalk that get arrested.

Daylong Season:
As soon as the spring break is over and it hits 60 degrees, welcome to daylong season. As soon as this starts a different frat is hosting a daylong thursday, friday, saturday every week. Class today? No thanks, it’s 65 and sunny we don’t get to experience that too often and we sure aren’t wasting it by sitting in the forum sweating our asses off listening to some professor asking why only half the class showed and you’re left sitting there asking yourself why you’re with the stupid half. Listen frats aren’t my style, i’m not a freshman i don’t enjoy having random guys grinding on my leg just because they think they can, it’s not new or exciting anymore, but daylongs… well that’s what frats were made for. Here at PSU they just put up some fences so people can’t see in and we are good to go alllllll day.

So yes, when my friends ask me if this is what it’s like every weekend here, the answer is always duh we’re one of the top ranked party schools in the nation and steadily making our way back to number one we’ve gotten used to a certain way of life and that way of life involves scheduling life and school work around happy hour at cafe, mad mex mondays, table ten on tuesdays, indigo-go on wednesdays, the den on thursdays, and the rest of the billion bars on friday and saturday. Sundays… well sometimes we rest, i mean we’ve gotta get over the hangover sometime right? So this is why kids come to visit, and that’s it a short visit. We drink more and harder than any other school I don’t know why but even as a lightweight myself i can still relatively function blacked out and keep the party going. We’re used to being drunk for extended amounts of time, my one friend litterally blacked out every night for a week straight. It happens. We’re used to it. So here’s my thoughts, if you’ve visiting sit on your beer a little longer, do a few less shots, don’t bong your liquor (we do that sometimes…) it just makes sense. I’ve seen friends puking at parties, getting their faces destroyed at highlighter parties, and so much more because they try to keep up with us and they can’t. Fact: Kids just can’t hang.

Don’t belive me? Check out these vids:


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